Talk About One Controlling Woman

*Photo: simonandschuster.com

Everyone She Loved

by

Sheila Curran

Imagine you marry a chick and one day she springs on you...Hey honey...If I die, I want my sister and all my friends to be able to decide if and who you marry. For the sake of the kids of course.





Seems like a preposterous idea right? Um...no. Penelope Cameron does just that. See, she has this persistent irrational fear that she is going to die and leave her husband, two children and prestigious foundation abandoned. So, in her wisdom and brilliance she decides to create a codicil in her will that her husband can only remarry a woman that the four main women in her life find appropriate.





Actually, now that I think about it...it's a DAMN fine idea. Controlling from beyond the grave is probably not what she had in mind. I think she's just a woman who loved her family.





Of course, tragedy strikes and Penelope is caught in the crossfire of a domestic dispute and is shot and killed.





Lucy, one of Penelope's best friends, takes her husband and children under her wing and into her home and surprisingly ends up in a sexual affair with Joey. They find they have intense feelings for each other, but this is quickly thwarted by a pair of cousins hellbent on taking over the foundation and getting rich. They send in a hot nutritionist to help Joey's daughter battle her anorexia, hoping this will cause Joey to want to marry Siobhan (who the friends DO NOT find suitable).





A series of debaucles including a lesbian sex mixup wreak havoc on the tightly knit group and of course, drama ensues.





Will everything get cleared up before Joey falls in love with the wrong (or right) girl? Ah...you will just have to read and see for yourselves.





Sheila Curran has a pretty darn good book with interesting and wickedly woven story.

A book about a struggling writer trying to get her act together and get published...

Ah…something I know a thing or two about. The Glamorous (Double) Life of Isabel Bookbinder ~~By Holly McQueen

Photo: Simonandschuster.com

Think Bridget Jones but instead of a diary she has a bonkbuster (that’s a dirty romance novel for those who aren’t down with the slang). Somewhere between getting her look down and falling in love, she has managed to convince one of the world’s top authors that she is really writing a book…which she isn’t. See, she’s not technically a writer per se. She wants to be a writer, but she is more focused on the smaller details such as what she should wear while she writes or what type of notebook to write in.

The antics this girl gets up to are insane, and seriously I laughed out loud almost twice per page. She’s Bridget on crack. And Ms. McQueen’s description in this book is brilliant. The way Isabel can shift her attention to anything and I mean anything but writing is too funny. I have experienced this too often myself. A piece of dust on the floor holds more appeal than writing it seems.

There’s a conspiracy surrounding the “book”, a tangled love story and a whole plot dedicated to honing a size 8. You will love it. If you don’t, you have no sense of humor.

Recap of a whole lotta stuff...sorry dudes, I have been SOOOO fricking busy!!!

Okay, I finally have time to update you with what's going on with me. I have been insanely busy with work and with my personal life so I haven't really had a chance to talk.

Let's start from where I left you peeps. The next day I flew to Virginia for a weekend away with friends. We went to stay at my friend's cabin in western Maryland.

Uh can you say RELAXATION??? First let me start by saying that cabin doesn't really describe the place we stayed at. Yes it looks like a log cabin, however, it has four bedrooms, three bathrooms, an entire wall of windows, washer/dryer, stainless steel appliances, wrap around deck. Yeah, so we weren't really roughing it. LOL!


We went to hike at the waterfalls which were beautiful. Here's a lovely pic of me about to jump!!!




We spent a good deal of time shopping. I scored quite a few very unique and awesome finds. We rode a mountain rollercoaster. (lemme explain: you are alone in the car, you are cranked up to the top of a hill and then the rollercoaster lets you go and you are controlling your own speed. Uh, it was frickin cool! Let's just say, I didn't really use the brake!!)

I took what I have so far of my book for my friends to read because they've been curious. So, instead of them taking their turns and reading it themselves, Mama FiFi sat there with a circle of peeps surrounding her and read the story like she was reading a bedtime story to little kids. Well, except this is NO bedtime story. I would get to words like pussy and clit and be like I CAN'T SAY IT. DON'T MAKE ME!!! It was quite funny. Good news!!! They loved it! Well, I haven't met a single person yet who doesn't.

When I returned, I was very fortunate to get an invitation to a party that one of my dear friends was coordinating. It was very posh and there were a lot of spectacular people there. One of which is my favorite...PEMA CHODRON!!! She is so amazingly adorable. When I got there she was going in right in front of me and we made eye contact and she just smiled at me. She has the most happy cute smiles ever...and she's ALWAYS smiling. She is so hilarious. From what I've read from her she seems like this very serious buddhist teacher...however, she is so funny and cracking jokes about herself. I LOVE HER!!!

Also that week, I went to see Chris Pureka. I love her so much. She is one of my absolute favorite singers. I also got the chance to break out my new style...hahaha...I wore a tie! Don't worry, I'm still femme, but I figured out a way to look hella cute in a tie. I got a LOT of compliments!!!

I had decided that I wanted to get the tattoo on my lower back covered awhile ago, but I finally put it into action. I took my design to the tattoo artist he drew up something amazing for me and finally this weekend I got part of it done. IT'S HUGE!!! I have to go back in a couple weeks for the rest!!! OY!!! Did I mention it is HUMONGOUS!!! It's 6x the size of the one it's covering.

Two Saturdays ago I was given VIP tickets to this Film Festival. It was all of these short films. AND THEY WERE GREAT. We got to hang in the VIP lounge. Sit in the VIP box seats with celebrities. YES, THERE WERE CELEBRITIES!! And we got to watch an awards show kinda like the Oscars for short film. We went to a crazy diner with singing waiters afterward and ate amazing food!!!

This past week I celebrated Cinco de Mayo by eating Italian food...LOLOL!! Yes, I roll like that. A friend and I are also now undertaking the hitting up of all the top 10 restaurants with the best burgers in NYC. First was Burger Joint in Le Parker Meridien hotel. Long lines, hard to get a table, but TOTALLY worth it!!

I also went to see slam poet Andrea Gibson, and if you've never heard of her, you need to. She is brilliant!!! Her words give me chills and make me laugh and cry.

So, as I said before Saturday afternoon was the tattoo shop. Did I tell you how HUGE the tattoo is? I just can't get over it. Saturday night I went to see Star Trek. Okok...how many of you fainted? I know, everybody's saying WHAT THE FUCK!?! FiFi watched Star Trek! Uh, YES!! And it was so good. I absolutely loved it! I recommend it to everyone especially if you have never had the desire to watch it in your life!!! Watch it! You will laugh your ass off!!!

After the movie, we went to Veselka in the village. It was past one in the morning so of course all the crazies were out. There was this dude screaming Obama sux!! And this chick told him that he sucks...and then he called her a whorebag. This other dude stands up and starts throwing coffee cremers at him. They start yelling back and forth which culminates in Mr. Coffecremer throwing a full GLASS (actual glass) of water at Mr. Obamasux head!!! Too exciting!

And then yesterday, I spent a lovely day in the park with crazy doggies. Dude, when you have a dog, everyone wants to be your friend. IT IS SO FUNNY!!! I went to a friends house for dinner. She cooked lamb curry for me. YUMMMMMMMMYYY!!! I drank just enough red wine to fully relax and watched that HBO show True Blood! Holy cow! It's quite quite quite good!!! It's about vampires and we all know how much I love my vampires.

So, that brings you just about up to speed. That's all I can type...my fingas hurt!!!!

It Bothers Me...

...slightly that I have a HUGE thing for Edward Cullen...you know the vampire from Twilight. I don't even wanna say it's the actor who plays Edward. It really is just Edward. I would only want the guy if he was a vampire in real life. DUDE!! Weird...at least I think so.

So the lezzies little boy crush led me to this song he wrote called Let Me Sign. The lyrics are beautiful. He speaks in metaphors that make the hair on my arms stand straight.

See for yourself...

She was standing there by the broken tree

Her hands were all twisted she was pointing at me

I was damned by the light coming out of her eyes

She spoke with a voice that disrupted the sky

She said ‘ Come on over to the bitter shade,

I will wrap you in my arms and you’ll know you’ve been saved’

Let me sign, let me sign, can’t fight the devil so just let me sign.

I was out for a drink in a soho bar

The air was smoked out liked a cheap cigar

She rose out of her seat like a painted ghost

She was the woman that I wanted the most

As she reached for my arm I gave her my hand

I said ‘Lay me down easy let me understand’

Let me sign, let sign, can’t fight the devil so just let me sign.

As I walked through the door she was still in my head

As I entered the room she was laid there in bed

She reached out for me all twisted in black

I was on my way down, never coming back

let me sign, let me sign, can’t fight the devil so just let me sign.

Ever Swiftly Moving...Trying To Escape This Desire

Ahhhh...I love this song. It's so beautiful...so me!

Why Hello There PEMA!!! May I kiss your feet??

"If we'd waited a little, things would have been different......but you were only thinking about your plans and forgot to include me in them"
~The Witch of Portobello

Ever had one of those moments where you stop short...look around...pat yourself down...absolutely 100% sure you've forgotten something VERY important? You rack your brain...go over your routine...every last detail...until you realize...AH HAH!! You haven't forgotten anything ANYTHING at all...you've lost it.

Yeah, well, I keep having those...

I also got a tubular reminder this morning that in a little over a week I'm going to be in audience with the LOVELY, cute, sweet, cherub-like PEMA CHODRON!!! Excited? YES! It seems to me as a western Buddhist teacher...she is way way way deeper than Deepak Chopra. Donna Karen will also be there. I am going to try to ask her about the red glasses she made for Mr. Chopra...because every time I see him...he is ALWAYS wearing them (PS...they are red and sparkly...like Dorothy's slippers...just in case you wanted to know).

So, I've finished The Witch of Portobello. If you don't already know, Paulo Coelho is one of my favorite authors (if not my favorite...he's probably my fav...sorry Ms. Winterson).

I thought it was an AMAZING book. Great storytelling...brilliant and thought provoking...

Here are some of my favorite quotes...

"Like all storms, it brings destruction, but, at the same time, it soaks the fields, and the wisdom of the heavens falls with the rain. Like all storms, it will pass. The more violent it is, the more quickly it will pass."

"I came here because there was something missing in my life...I need to fill up my blank spaces..."

"Don't let yourself be weighed down by what other people think, because in a few years, in a few decades, in a few centuries, that way of thinking will be changed. Live now what others will only live in the future."

"You want to justify your life, to live it as intensely as possible. That is at once a trap and a source of ecstasy."

"...you've always tried to control the force that transforms everything so that your lives can carry on without being faced by any major challenges."

"...love fills everything. It cannot be desired because it is an end in itself. It cannot betray because it has nothing to do with possession. It cannot be held prisoner because it is a river and will overflow its banks. Anyone who tries to imprison love will cut off the spring that feeds it..."

"could I please give her a message: the door was always open, and she was greatly missed."

Ahhh...profound shit HUH???

Busy busy!

I Forgot...To Tell You I Love You...And The Night's Too Long And Cold Here Without You...

Hello my widdle lovelies! Hope you had a great weekend!

Thank goodness I got out Friday night cuz Saturday was icky rainy. I stayed in and watched movies...

Doubt-Good but weird...the end leaves you in doubt, but I suppose that is the point. Dunno.

Seven Pounds-Okay, I figured out exactly what was going to happen in this movie about 20 minutes in. It's predictable, however, no matter how prepared you are for the ending...you're not. Be ready to cry...I was actually literally and I truly mean wailing at the end of this. It is just...well...I don't know. I absolutely loved Woody Harrelson's character in it!!

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button-First of all, it's too damn long. I had to watch it in two segments. I am a firm believer that if the story cannot be told in two hours it should be split into two films...just kidding, I just don't have the attention span. I liked it...although the old Brad Pitt, kinda freaked me out. The story dragged a whole lot. Cate Blanchett, of course, stole the show. She is amazing and beautiful!!! I picked out some of my favorite lines...

"We are meant to lose the people we love...how else will we know how much they mean to us?"

"You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You can swear and curse the fates, but when it comes to the end...you have to let go..."

"Sometimes we're on a collision course, and we just don't know it. But it's by accident and by design, and there's not a thing we can do about it..."

And my absolute favorite...

DAISY: Sleep with me.

BENJAMIN: Absolutely...

I had a super fun time painting Easter eggs and celebrating Sunday...ps...the paint has finally come off my fingers...lol!


LYLASF---FiFi