Merry Xmas

...or whatever holiday it is you're celebrating...

Ahhh...I am leaving today to see the fam for xmas. That means no work...no NYC for five whole days. I am truly looking forward to this. My bag is packed with frigging gifts...the damn thing is soooo heavy.

I just want to relax...no deadlines...no meetings....uh...but there is the family, so it could potentially be worse than working. Just kidding!!! In case my family is reading this :-)

You know what's funny. I never EVER go into those touristy souveneir shops. Today I had to go to pick up something for my cousin. The weirdest thing happened. All of a sudden I got terribly nostalgic for long ago when I was just a tourist in this city and everything was exciting and wonderful. I got a creepy feeling in my gut...who knows?!?

I think my eyes have changed so much toward this city. I make new discoveries every single day, but not the kind that a tourist would ever know/dream of. I am lucky. New York is my home now. It's such an amazing feeling to feel at home here...when I see so many people everyday with no fucking clue where their home (READ: hotel) is...heeheehee...can't help but laugh.

Peace out bitches!!! I hope Santa Claus brings you everything you want!!!

FUCK THIS SHIT!!!

It is not a terribly happy Friday here in FiFi-land. Can I get a break? Gosh!!!

First of all, it is blizzarding in the lovely NYC. BLIZZARD!!! I walked one block to get my lunch and fuck if I wasn't Frosty the FiFi by the time I came back. So, but, anyway, I have a friend that's having a mondo celebration tonight. Like a let's all get fucking wasted kinda thing, ya know? Well, now it's gonna be a let's all get fucking wasted, stranded, and fall on our fucking asses kinda thing... So, yeah...this should be fun. Pray for Le FiFi...please.

And if that's not bad enough, I am one of those nutballs that wants a Blackberry Storm...you know. The touch screen Blackberry that beats the iphone's ass. Yeah, I want it. If you know me, you know that I thrive upon instant gratification. I see something...I want it...I have to have it RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!! And so these dumbass phones are SOLD OUT in the whole of NYC...I have to order it online....but...I am not gonna be around for xmas...so they can't deliver it to my house...so I was gonna have them deliver it to my mother...but what if it doesn't arrive by the time I have to leave??? I am not gonna be in one place long enough to get the GOD DAMNED FUCKING STUPID FUCKING PHONE! So, I can't have it right now, so I'm just a tiny bit upset about it. But really it's no biggie. I'll get it when I get back.

I don't feel soooo bad cuz everybody who wants this phone is having to deal with this kinda shit...so I'm not alone. Many many peeps out there feel this excruciating pain.

I also need to get my shizz together to go home next week. I gotta find all the prezzies...buy a few more...and a whole buncha other bullshit...


...And work has also been kinda a cocksucker to me too! So I've got bullshit coming at me from all sides....Ah...well this too shall pass. I need to calm the fuck down.

~~~Yeah...peeps, I'll be working on that. Have a funky weekend!!!

Holy Testicle Tuesday!!!!!

Shizzzz...FiFi is the busiest beaver in the bunch these days. I am learning a lot. Doing a lot. Having meetings a lot. And all that crapola.

I get an email this morning stating that I am supposed to report to the ballroom at 4:45 to begin greeting guests to the company holiday party...huh??? Dudeskies! I am not going to the party. Apparently, it's management's duty to do this kind of shit. Ugggh! I am trying my damndest to get the frig out of it...so we'll see. I TOTALLY have other plans. How can they email me the morning of and expect this of me?!?!? Life can throw you into a pile of poopy sometimes...i'm in the poopy.

I am also insanely depressed. I have finished the last book of the Twilight saga. Alas, my romance with my darling Edward hath ended. Yeah...i'm preeety much suicidal. That author needs to get her ass in gear and write another ten or million books to feed my addiction.

Busy lil FiFi must return to the grind...so sad...

my love is all i have to give...

PEEPS!!! Friends! I know I suck. I will be not MIA shortly. I have 32.5 million calls, emails and texts to return. Please don't hate me. I am lazy.

I STILL LOVE YOU!!

My cousin said that she was going to send the NYPD to look for me if I didn't call her...ps...i called her..heehee

I am very very busy this week...getting shit ready for next week when I'll be outta town...

My job is scary. I have a lot of responsibility and millions of peeps coming at me from all different angles. YIKES!!! I couldn't fall asleep last night...and when i did i had nightmares of work related crap. I think it's still okay...it's just an adjustment...hopefully...

Lovely weekend as usual. Did get to catch up on some much needed rest.

i'm gonna go take a nappy now...bye!

Just take the fall...You’re one of us...The spotlight is on

Yeah...so...FiFi has been a naughty little girl. I am trying my damndest to write you peeps a lil sumthin every day...however, some days (read: most days) I don't even get a lunch break. I would bitch and bitch about this usually, but the truth is...I really fucking like my new job. And I don't mind not taking a lunch break if it means I get to learn more and get more accomplished...

'cuz most definitely Ms. FiFi is not going to be working long hard hours late into the night. I have other things that I need to do late into the night that don't involve reports, numbers, computers, etc etc...you know what I'm gettin at right?? So, the sacrifice of lunch...even tho the person that had my position is still there training me and practically ordering me to go to lunch (which I ignore because he is not the boss anymore, I AM).

The only thing...that I hate...more than anything...more than life...more than brussel sprouts is ALL the fucking meetings that are involved with this job. I know it's important to know what's going on around the place...but seriously...to sit in a meeting for TWO hours to talk for three minutes is ridiculous. DUDES!!! I have to listen to the woes of every other department. BORING!!!! With a capital FUCK!! Alas, this week I have come to realize just how significant (read: REALLY GOD DAMN IMPORTANT) my job is. Like, I have the first meeting of the day with management...that's some shit right there.

So, but anyway...will be trying to write you a love letter every day...but I can't make promises...I am sorta consumed here.

~~~Interjecting...I have to say something about sex. It really is kinda sorta amazing when two people cum at the exact same moment...kinda sorta maybe go weak...groan...and whatnot in perfect sync. It's sorta kinda maybe an indestructable quality of fusion. And sorta kinda maybe takes a fuckload of time to find....And is absolutely defintely like for sure a nightmare to lose... Hmmm...day dreams...~~~

And then...
I am reading the final book in the Twilight Saga. Breaking Dawn. STOP READING HERE UNLESS YOU HAVE READ THE BOOKS OR HAVE NO INTENTION OF READING THEM OR YOU WANT TO HAVE THE ENDING SPOILED.

I am on the floor about what is happening. Here is the rundown of things that shock me:
1. Bella married Edward.
2. Bella fucked Edward while she was still human.
3. Bella got knocked up by Edward the vampire.
4. Bella had a mutant vampire child growing inside her.
5. Bella popped the kid out. The kid is half human half vampire...a sweet little soul...so beautiful and amazing...and everybody LOVES her to death.
6. Edward changed Bella into a vampire.
7. BELLA IS FINALLY A VAMPIRE!!!
8. Jacob imprinted (read: Found his soulmate) in Renesmee (read: Bella/Edward's baby). (READ: EW PEDOPHILE) but not really 'cuz since he's a werewolf he doesn't age until he stops being a werewolf and Renesmee is aging quickly so....basically they will be together soon.
9. Bella is grossed out by this. Duh! Obvious reaction.
10. Bella and Edward can have sex for endless hours cuz they're both vampires and never have to sleep and never get tired. What a life, huh?

OKAY, YOU CAN START READING AGAIN!!

So...yeah...I fucking love these books. They are sooooo AWESOME.

Hopefully, I will finish the book this weekend...but I have some serious overdue writing/editing to do as well...I have been lazy and busy lately.

My peeps...have a mucho mucho fun weekend...catch you on the flipside!!!

Aah a ah a ah a haahh!

I won't soothe your pain

I won't ease your strain

You'll be waiting in vain

I got nothing for you to gain

Have I mentioned yet that I'm reading the Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyer??? I think I did...but I'm too damn lazy to go back and check. So...but...anyway I'm reading it. I'm reading it like a fiend on crack. Those books are like 500, 600, 700 pages dudeskies! HUGE!!! LOONNNG!!!

But when I start reading, I cannot stop. CANNOT! They are exactly my brand of heroin. I'm now on the last book BREAKING DAWN. I'm taking this one a lil slower 'cuz I know at the end of this book...there ain't no more. Hopefully, she will continue writing, but for now, there ain't no more.

This book...holy shit...I am not quite 200 pgs in and I am floored by the shit that has gone down already. It excites me and mortifies me about what is yet to come.

This past weekend I went to see the TWILIGHT movie FINALLY! It was soooooo great. Even if you don't feel like reading the books, I highly recommend the movie. The music in the movie is also great. Dark. Brooding. Sexy...exactly like my favorite vampire...EDWARD!!! Yes, I know I know I know...he's a fucking boy. I don't care. I still love him. I still want to marry him. I still want to have like 10,000 of his babies. So HOT!!!!! If he were a butch lesbian...I'd be all over that shit!!!

Alas...let me not rant more...need to get back to work now.

Peace...word...bye bye.

CHA-CHING!!!

Ladies and Germs!

I apologize profusely for my absence of late. Big things have been happening with Mz. FiFi. I will be trying my absolute bestest not to let ya'll down and not be blogging, but here's why it may be un problemo...

Last week I was offered a major job promotion. I am now management. This means I have a certain responsibility and whatnot to uphold. I have been offered the job that I am taking several times before, but have turned it down due to money and location issues. So, at this point I have been offered the job at the location where I am and with a preeeety significant up in income. In a year such as this, where we are all lucky to even have a job...a promotion...a promotion with a raise is HOLY HUGE!!!

Last week, I was mighty busy learning the ropes...and while I'm still learning, things have become a bit easier. I am seeing that I will enjoy this job and it will be more fun for me.

As all of you know, FiFi is the most creativist person in the world...sort of...but what you all may not know...is that I also love numbers...revenue...finance...blah blah blah. So, that's what I'm doing now...and IT'S SO MUCH FUN!!!! Peeps, I am very happy.

I do have run an entire department as well. This is a tad disconcerting to me. All of the people in the department are my friends...so...I am not too sure how comfortable I'll be running the show...and I'm not too sure how easy it will be for my co-workers to change their perception of me from equal to superior. And by superior I don't mean better, I just mean, having to tell the peeps what to do...and keep things in line...and make department decisions...and all that nonsense. It's a bit scary for me.

I suppose doing my job is numero uno...this isn't a popularity contest so I just hope they still like me. I don't see why they wouldn't...it's just I am somewhat a queen of irrational fears.

***
I had a fabuloso weekend. My dear friend came to visit...we had a blast. We partied it up...and it seems neither of us is as young as we once were. Dudes!! FiFi is steadily climbing ever increasingly close to the big 30!

Once again, I apologize for leaving my bitches hanging...but now you know why so please forgive me...please!!!!

Gracias!!! Adios!!

Errrggghh!

Sorry for leaving everybody dangling...I've been having mild heart attacks for the last 24 hours...hahaha

no but seriously. i will have more to say SOON...hopefully...pray...

Whoa!

Something HUGE happened to me today! I don't want to talk about it yet. It's a good thing...I think...when it's definite you'll hear all about it.

I am scared. I want to vomit.

That's all I've got! sorry...

You are EXACTLY my brand of heroin...

B: Where's your boyfriend?

J: We broke up.

B: What happened to the love that would last for an eternity?

J: Eternities aren't as long as they used to be...

----------------------------------

"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?

"That's right!"

-----------------------------------

"Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me...The thought of you still, white, cold...to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses, it would be unendurable...You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

"You already know how I feel of course. I'm here which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you. I am an idiot."

"You are an idiot!...And so the lion fell in love with the lamb..."

"What a stupid lamb!"

"What a sick, masochistic lion."

------------------------------------

If you know the lovely Miss FiFi, then you know what the high likelihood it would be for me to fall in love with a vampire. It's so totally my style. So, I actually did kinda fall in love with Edward...the vampire.

Let me explain...'cuz you're all sayin' FiFi this can't be possible...Vampires do not exist and you are a fuckin lezzie!!! I know I know I know. What I meant to say first was that I have been reading the Twilight vampire saga. I hemmed and hawwed about not wanting to get involved with another series...but alas...I fell into the vampire hole.

This has happened to me before...Harry frickin Potter... So, that's why I tend to veer away from books such as these. They take over my life. And this one is actually much worse than Harry. Because there is a major major romance. A major sultry romance. A major sultry hot romance. A major sultry hot suspensful romance. A major sultry hot suspensful forbidden romance. Ah, you are getting the idea now. So, yeah, it's really not all that surprising that I'm in the hole.

And I loved the first book...Didn't love the second book soooo much. Yeah, probably because Edward was in only like 10% of the book or LESS. That just seems wrong to do. I do not like Jacob and don't want him sniffing around Bella. Makes me angry.

So, I'm on to the third book now. And Edwards back. Thank GOD!!! It's actually really really quite good. But in my best advice--- DON'T READ IT! DON'T GET SUCKED INTO IT!

Just kidding...sort of.

I can relate to their relationship in such a freaky way. They are all about passion and love and hot hot hot...and they sort of forget that he has to fight a constant urge to eat her alive. I can totally relate...I think I've dated a vampire before. But in my sad defense, I do tend to prefer passion over sanity. Sadly, it is the more painful of routes. Alas, we don't get to choose our journey...at least I don't believe that. I do believe that some of us are destined to be adventurous dragon slayers...and I have the misfortune or fortune (take your pick) of being one of those.

~~~So, but anyway...I had a more restful and relaxing weekend this time around. I cuddled up and snuggled up a bit more and wound down a lot. I saw Four Christmases. It was fucking funny. I love me some Reese's pieces...yum. I had quiet time....oh except for the lovely trek around Park Slope Sunday morning IN THE RAIN. Oh yeah...that was lovely...but when I got home you bet I was on my frickin couch with Edward as my date!!!

LYLASF

Cheapened

I hope your turkey dinner was as lovely as mine. Thank GOD my friends can cook!! 'Cuz I certainly can't. Well, I can, but just don't really want to do it. So, I was the one to bring the wine. Which is perfectly fine by me. You can't fuck up the wine. Everybody loves the wine. Wine makes the world go round.

We had such a blast. I love my friends. In essence, they are my family. My NYC family. They are all amazing people, each with their own flair and personality that makes us all click into one big group of cool peeps. I spent the majority of my day laughing. We are all so damn entertaining. I feel bad, but one of my friends (let me just say, I was in a sarcastic mood) bore the brunt of my snarkiness. I love her to death. Since she has become a mommie though, her emotions were running high. Where she normally would have told me to go fuck off...she actually pouted (it was really joking pouting though). It was too funny.

So we were making fun of her that she's Australian. She, for some unknown reason, finds it horridly offensive to be considered Australian. So, I said "Just say the phrase We come from a land down under. Then we can decide if you are really Australian." This mortified her...so we googled the song...listened to it and watched the video...and all about pissed our pants as we sang along. It was this and a million other little incidents that made the day most excellent. Oh and how can I forget...another friend was cooking...she started spilling everything all over the floor...mind you...this was NOT her apartment. So basically she trashed a kitchen...that was not hers. It was the funniest shit ever.

Friends, YOU GUYS ARE A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!!! I would most definitely not be able to breathe without you peeps in my life!!!

I almost forgot...Wednesday night. We decided to paint the town magenta since we could all sleep in late on Turkey day. Well...well...well. I do love and entertain mischief as often as I can...as long as it doesn't come with a heaping side of bullshit drama. So I was a player in some misbehavior. It was all good fun. Hold the drama. Thanks.

And on to something a lil bit different...

So you all know that FiFi's been in a sorta kinda maybe absolutely definitely pissy mood lately. I have cleaned that up so we can move on...mkay?

What Goes Around Comes Around

Would I fall under that spell again

I don't think so anymore

But I don't know what's written

I'll be there anyway

Call it love I guess, hotter than the sun

You can appreciate it

Yeah...so...we always play dangerous games.

Once upon a time there was this girl I knew. She was easily entranced and lured by someone that could harm her. To partake in something and have fun was one thing. As long as it didn't get out of hand....unfortunately the villain always yanked it out of hand. It was quite another thing to run round and round in circles dealing with the villain's band of flying monkeys. As long as the villain didn't unleash the monkeys everything was fine. The monkeys were let loose...so fortunately the heroine saw an error in her way and saved herself from the clutches of darkness.

Hey love, your face is full of lies

Be careful what you ask

Be cautious how you act

You're tired, tired of the dark

Oh you're covered in dust, yeah

You're covered in dust

How can you fall from a

wound like that dear?

Don't mind, it's a common reaction

And you tell me everything is alright, you don't mind

How can you feel when

you're wounded like that dear?

And you don't mind

Waste my time

Do you realize, you're

caught in the middle with your alibi

You've been living in a dream

and you think "will I likely fall?"

Oh still you lie, based on the fact

that you will always hide

The villain's problem. The world was a lie. And slowly and steadily the villain realized this. And it was painful and sad. To have lost the heroine was the tragedy the villain could not live past. In the villain's mind everything was backward.

The villain loved the heroine so much...but could never accept it...would never admit it... ran as far as possible from it...sabatoged and ruined it. The heroine knew the villains problem. Villains cannot love. The villain masked the pain with grandeose guestures...the villain was lying when he admitted to the whole world that he loved someone. It was a lie because if it was real the villain would have run and hid as he had done with the heroine. The villain could not reveal emotion so when he did, it was not through reality but through the villain's secret world.

The villain had lost the heroine...and slowly realized that his life was a lie. He was melancholy. He tried to fill his life with the presence of another but was still empty. The villain lied and pretended but struggled with the reality of the vast abyss his life had become.

The villain knew that he loved the heroine. The villain realized that the heroine was the one. He fought her so hard and pushed her away so violently because she was the heroine...the saviour.. Alas, the villain wouldn't be saved.

The villain lived his days in misery and regret...missing...wanting...loving the heroine. He could not escape her...could not rid her from his thoughts.

The heroine was happy. Did not miss the sadness and pain the villain inflicted upon her. Had found a brilliant world of wonder and light. Immersed herself in it. The villain was defeated...the heroine lived extraordinarily spectacularly fabulously happily ever after.

What if I could

change the world

one day at a time?

The heroine can and has and will continue to do so.

The Thin Line Between Sex and Love

How do you have sex without being in love? What is sex if it's not coupled with love? Is there love if you feel good when you are having sex? How do you let go of the thing you have promised yourself you wouldn't let go? How do you keep from creating a mess and staying happy?

If anyone knows the answers to these questions please help me. Because I am so confused right now. I was going along smooth as silk, happy as a clam, floating on a cloud. I hit a humongous brick wall! HUGE!!!

Now, I'm not happy anymore. I feel sick and scared. I don't want to give up the life I have now, and I don't think I want to continue to do the thing I have done. Life is so hard. Living the questions to discover the answers is terribly painful.

I am not ready to love. My heart is still broken. A broken heart can't love properly until it's healed. Why don't people understand this? How can I be pushed and pulled and not snap in two?

I need a vacation from my life. FiFi has it hard right now.

Careful what you wish for love....

And by that I mean pony or turtle...DUH!!!

So, but anyway, remember the fossil. Oh, the HORROR!!! Renovation is a fricking nightmare. She bought one of those mother of hell televisions. So the contractors are trying to locate the stud so they can mount the TV to the wall and um....they can't find the stud! Where the fuck did the stud go??? This is really REALLY bad. I am worried that she will not survive this. They told her she could move back in before Thanksgiving...and what do ya know?!? It's not finished. I told her that would happen. But I am just a young dumbass so what do I know...HAhahaha nahnahnahnah boo boo! But I digress.

Remember how she also couldn't see. Well, what has it been two weeks...and the fossil still can't see. She has a hard knock life right now. So, let's all pray for peace, sight and the discovery of the location of the stud for my poor wittle fossil.

'Tis a very sad day when you can't find your stud.

Oh, The Mighty Fall

I am very sleepy today. I am drained actually. I want to go home to my bed this instant, pull the covers over my head and come out when the groundhog sees his shadow.

The weekend was good, but as usual, exhausting. Friday was ginormous group dinner, band and late nite partying. I partook in some very VERY naughty action in the Slope of Park. I don't want to talk about it. If you were there, you know. If you weren't there, you don't need to know. Let's just say it all went downhill after we hijacked a cab out from under two unsuspecting breeders! Holla!!!

I wrote a lot this weekend. It was necessary since last weekend was spent doing "research" and not writing. heeheehee

I went to that mondo party Saturday night...equipped with enough rice to feed all the starving children of Jerusalem. It was so much fun!!! I was a little distant though. I had gone into the rabbitt hole that is my head. Alas, I got to see one of my friends tied up...so that was fabulous.

Hope ya'll had a blast too!!!

Tie Me UP...not down

Confessions from one hot & sexy quirky bitch...

Yeah...that would be me. That's my new title. XXX thinks that I am hot and sexy quirky. Which if you haven't heard is the best personality to have. It means I am a well rounded individual. She said that when it's sexy time, I turn on my alluring glances and come hither stares that can make someone insane, but when it's funny time, I turn on my charm and can be witty and hilarious and that can make someone fall in love. hmmm...*dreams*!!!

So, dudes, I figured out my mojo...where it came from...how I got it...and how I can keep it going strong!!! AND I AM MOST CERTAINLY DEFINITELY NOT GONNA TELL YOU!!! Nonono...just kidding...it's my nipple confidence...coupled with my bush confidence...coupled with the fact that I know how to make a gals eyes roll back into her head. Just kidding again...now you're pissed...sorry...it's actually all of those things plus this bonus thing that I have and cannot teach and cannot give away. It's inside me. Sorry I can't bottle up the mojo.

And some peeps have asked me to spell out my personal ideas about dating, here they are:

For me, dating has manifested to a waste of time. I have become the type of person that wants things her way. So, for me, I still have the need to get laid, but don't feel it necessary to waste the time investing a lot of myself in the other person. Which I sorta haven't been sticking to with XXX...but I sorta still am...because:
1. I do all the things that I want to.
2. I decide what I want to watch or listen to.
3. I still have time for exercising. (make that 13 pounds lost as of this AM)
4. I still have time for writing.
5. I get to spend loads more time with my friends.
6. I am able to focus on things that make me feel healthier, more beautiful and as people say, what I'm doing to make myself "glow." (no, I'm not preggers).

So, why would I give up all that to spend time losing myself in what someone else wants? I am the star of my own show. And I really like it like that. I have been such a giving, altruistic person all my life...now I'm taking...I've earned it...I deserve it...And I have it in abundance.

There ya go ladies!!! That is basically it...not that deep.

I have a packed weekend (is there any other kind?) which I will inform you about on Monday. I'm kinda sorta nervous about having to cook something that will feed 40 people tomorrow. Pray for me!!! And for the peeps that eat what I make!!!

On to some funny ass shit:
1. I have this huge, FUCKING big ass crush on one of my neighbors. I live in a kinda gayborhood (read: LOTS OF LEZZIES). The vast majority of them are hot and cool, but this one takes the cake. I see her all the time...every morning when I am walking to the subway, she is coming back from the park with her dog. Nevertheless, I don't want that kinda drama so close to home (so I'll be saving her for the spank bank).

2. Tinkle Trousers: This is one step beyond the puppy pad. It's like a doggie diaper. It's so adorably freaky. I know a pup that uses them....not so sure he's a fan.

3. Sex addicts...After yesterday, I was a little afraid that my sexual acoutrements would classify me as a horndog. Apparently, after talking to one of my friends (one of my friends that was at my party, that was very quiet, mind you) and she was telling me about all the stuff she has...which is A FUCKING SHITLOAD OF SEX TOYS!!! Apparently, she's not as uptight as I thought she was (no wonder she glides when she walks). And apparently, I'm not as loose as I thought. YAY!!

4. Save the funniest for last. This guy was in the car with his kid...and someone cut him off and he yells "What the fuck?!?" Then...a week later his son is playing with a friend. He tries to play with his friends truck. And the friend says "NO!!" So later...the friend starts playing with the kid's book. The kid screams "WHAT THE FUCK?!?" His father comes in and tells him he has to apologize to the friend. And the kid says "What the fuck? He wouldn't let me play with his truck now what the fuck is he doing with my book?" Ahhh...lessons. Your kids hear everything and while they may not say it right away...they store it in their memory for a special surprise. BE CAREFUL!!!

Well are you such a dreamer? Put yourself in my shoes...Careful what you wish for love...

You've seen the worst of me now

I'm all alone see

You lost me somehow

And what we're fighting for is peace

Are you still in love with me,

Or someone else?

I've seen the worst of you too

I let it go see

Because I have to

And when I'm falling on my knees

You'll take my hand in yours

What will be, we'll be

That song makes me sad. It's so eerily sadly beautiful. Ah, well, I heard it on Magnolia this AM...made me have a feeling (not a good one, not necessarily bad though).

Sooooo...FiFi has decided to adjust her plan a wee bit. Considering the way it's been going, I'd be done with my little uncharted expedition by next weekend...which is not good. I need to calm down just a tad. This thingamajig was not supposed to take five seconds to complete. Will be working on it and tweaking it up. Mkay.

Sex Toy Santa came yesterday and brought me a bag of goodies. Geesh! I totally forgot how much dirty nasty stuff I had coming. Lordy! God! It totally takes over my entire underwear drawer. It sorta kinda maybe (read: DEFINITELY) looks like I have a sex addiction. So...betcha wanna know what I got...dontcha...mkay:

1. Prickly body scrubber that vibrates....with Creamsicle flavored massage lotion. YUMMY!!!

2. Sex position flash cards (that should be fun...like twister or charades)

3. The butterfly (it goes in your undies...use while cleaning, working, shopping etc.)

4. The Tongue (yes, I said tongue. I don't really need this...but it may be nice to have a tongue that does the job that isn't actually attached to a human with vocal chords that may possibly drive me insane...hmm...just a thought)

5. Body tape (I have handcuffs...but this stuff is WAY more fun. It's duct tape that sticks to itself...not skin....hair...coochies...etc) Very VERY fun for those that like to be restricted (read: ME).

So, but anyway, yeah, me thinks I'll be having a bzzzzing good time. HA!

A very pressing question has been on my mind....phone sex...real sex...phone sex...real sex...phone sex...real sex...phone sex

Which is better? It's very hard for me to decide. I suppose the answer is that real sex with the person you're having phone sex with would be better than phone sex. However, current phone sex is definitely better than some people I've had real sex with. You're confused now, right? Me too.

Law Student (I think we should call her Exhibit XXX, it's more fun) and I had a conversation about the toys. A wee bit of the conversation:

Me: I got this buzzer that goes in the undies to make menial tasks more enjoyable.

XXX: Hahahaha! Really? They make that kind of shit.

Me: Yep. They make everything these days. It even has a remote.

XXX: I see. Hmmm...so if you put it on and give me the remote, I can control how much pleasure you feel?

Me: I think you have to be within a certain range of me to do it...you may be too far.

XXX: That's depressing.

Me: Don't worry honey. To some extent you do control the majority of pleasure that I feel.

Later...

Me: I also got a tongue.

XXX: A tongue? I don't even want to know what the fuck that is.

Me: It's exactly what you think it is.

XXX: Well then...it will make a handy accessory to this conversation then.

Me: I agree. Ps...it even has taste buds.

XXX: Why does that turn me on?

Me: No clue.

And later...

Me: And then there's the body tape.

XXX: I'll be right over!!!

Dudskies...I have XXX's permission to write this stuff up. She thinks I'm funny.

***I think that's all I got fer yas today. Hope you are laughing and not thinking that I'm a weirdo...PLEASE DON'T THINK I'M A WEIRDO!!!

I am including this cute lil somethin' somethin' a friend sent to me. It is so true, sweet, and brilliantly insightful...

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born
A Death Certificate shows that we died
Pictures show that we lived!

Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly.

I Believe...
That just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe...That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe... That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe...That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe...That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe...That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe...That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe...That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe...That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.
sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe...That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe...Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.


'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.'

...something a bit more comfortable (ie-black lace) yum

My horoscope for today:

The people you love could use a reminder of that fact -- try to show as much affection as you can for them today. Have confidence that your friendships are real and strong, because they are. You are in a very healthy phase in terms of communicating and connecting with others. Others are trying to distract you from your friends, but you know what is important -- never forget that the people who are there for you now will always be there for you.

YO! My bitches! I love you! Stop by and see me today and I'll show you just how much!!! *wink*

Well...well...well...Band-Aid...hmm...didn't know you had it in you. That was lovely. Baby...you had to have known coming up behind me like that was gonna get you into serious trouble. You knew, that's why you did it. Alas, the effect from the cause of watching a film, a lesbian one, with themes of S & M and naked chicks was truly delicious. Mango me! I love it too much!

okokok...moving on....i'll get back to that later...on my own...without you people, thank you very much! I don't really know what to say today. There is really nothing that's pressing on my mind that I feel the need to talk about.



...No wait...I just went away from this for a second and BOOM, I thought of something. Am I great or what?

The subject called Taking A Bullet.

If you do not know what this is, you should probably watch the Sex and the City movie. It shows a very VERY good example of this. Basically, what this means is that you hear something, see something, remember something...etc etc. that brings you back to thoughts of your lost paramour, someone you liked, someone you wanted, someone you fantasized about, etc etc. So, this thing happens and it's like a trigger and BAM!!!!! You are shot. It feels like taking a bullet. That recoil...that pain...a distinct and very real physical pain.

I'm sure you know what I mean. One of my friends sent me an email about something that she saw and that was her bullet. Someone who wants to be with me heard something about me and that was her bullet. I told someone something about me and that was his bullet. Everytime I write I get shot up with a machine gun. I take bullets everyday, so I'm getting kind of used to them. It's like I'm creating a bulletproof vest, shot by shot. Love can be a very severely, awful, painful, gut wrenching experience.

...but as another friend says: I still contend that a loving relationship is worth the risk of going through that again. The thing to avoid are people who cause those "red flags" to go up if you know what I mean ... not relationships! Say "no" to people who don't cut it ... but yes to giving and receiving love.

Basically, say YES to taking bullets. I know this may sound dumb but it's actually quite true I suppose. I guess you never love otherwise...you never learn otherwise...you never experience life otherwise.

YAY FOR BULLETS!!!!

ps...don't worry Mz. FiFi is still on relationship hiatus but just wanted to share that pearl of wisdom for all you other peeps.

Something Confusing

There are things about myself that I do not understand. I feel so much better lately. I am extraordinarily happy...but...there is one thing I have a hard time moving past. I guess it will take a lot of time, but it seems so odd to me considering the way things have been going for me lately that I would still be affected by this.

My self esteem has been improving, but the part that still hurts and cripples me is that my ex was ashamed of me. Ashamed of how I looked. Ashamed of me and didn't want me to meet her friends. Now, I, in turn, tend to feel ashamed of myself. I don't feel like I am attractive enough or good enough that anyone would ever want me.

I think that this has been changing recently. Given recent events, especially the events of this past weekend, it has been proven to me that I am most assuredly attractive and people most definitely want to be with me.

So...despite the fact that people keep telling me how beautiful I am. Despite the fact that people are checking me out. Despite the fact that I've lost 11 pounds. Despite the fact that the way I've been dressing makes me look sexier. Despite the fact that I have two people that want to be with me in the worst possible way. Despite the fact that everyone wants to be around me (thinks I'm fun, amazing, totally cool). Despite the fact that I have this mojo that manifested itself to the point of being able to score any girl I want. Despite the fact that my friends want to steal some of my mojo. Despite the fact that I am exploring and feeling sexier and hotter than ever. Despite the fact that I am in control. Despite the fact that I make all the decisions. Despite the fact that I've been feeling great and being healthy. Despite the fact that I feel smart, funny, and adept in conversation and holding people's interest. Despite the fact that I've been writing (and it's REALLY REALLY good). Despite the fact that everyone thinks that my life now is amazing and fun and exciting and wants to live vicariously through me.

Despite. Despite. Despite. Despite ALL of these things, I still have that fear that there is something wrong with me. There is some hideous thing that people see that would cause someone to be ashamed of me. What is it? Where is it? I'm having trouble finding it.

It's because it's not there. I have to go back and remember that she was mentally ill. That her alternate universe never allowed her to see me. The real me. It warped and twisted to find things wrong that were not actually there.

So, now I have to repeat this to myself when people tell me I'm pretty. When people tell me I look great. When people tell me I'm smart. When people tell me I'm funny. When people find me amazing. When I start to feel like the feelings of sexiness are wrong. When people want to kiss me. When people want to touch me. When people want to fuck me. When people love it when I grab their tie and never let go.

It's these moments where I have to come out of that alternate universe and into reality. I fight it every step of the way. I have to realize that I am not that other person. I am me. Amazing, wonderful, beautiful, sweet, smart, funny, exciting, sexy, confident, dangerous, hot, fuckable, touchable, kissable, darling me.

Thank you to all that have been there for me helping me to open my eyes. You rock!!

A Tale Of Two Blondes

Ahhhh....laaaa....lllliiieee....daaaa deee. Okay okay okay, I'll stop.

It is so depressing to be back in New York. I had the most amazing weekend. Soooo many hot girls....soooo little time :-( Don't worry ya'll I did have time for a couple. My friends are amazing. I went to visit and they were going to teach me how to become an expert at picking up girls. Unfortunately, I didn't seem to need their help at all...only a push to open myself up...whereby I must've become more beautiful and attractive to people. We were in sort of a competition, more for motivation than anything else, for who was gonna get the most action. Let me start by saying, I had stellar karma on both Friday and Saturday night, I picked out a girl, and by the end of the night I had that girl. And I never even did a thing. They came to me. Yes, I was totally floored. I pray to God I brought this mojo back to NYC with me.

So, Friday. We went to a really awesome club. Really great music. Amazing DJ. I was not impressed with the selection of girls when we first got there. It was not until about an hour later when...the hottest girl walked into the bar...yes, my friends have classified her as the HOTTEST girl in that bar that night...um...well, except for me I guess. This girl knew everyone. She was talking to everyone, dancing with everyone, definitely mucho intimidating. I gave up hope for her after about five minutes. I could not even begin to think how I would get the social/player butterfly. About her...A bit taller than me...blonde...butch....baby blue button down...dark pants...hot sneakers...and wait for it...A BLACK TIE. Yes, I am a sucker for a tie. I guess you'll learn why in a minute.

So, but anyway, we danced. Very sexy dancing I might add. We drank. I became more relaxed and open. I started to notice her looking at me. Of course, I would catch her eye and look away like the nerd I am, but she was looking...okay...so then her friends all 500 of them (I kid) started to look at me. Smile at me. Dance near me. My friends started to push me over a bit into her area, but still I kept my distance. Then...her gay guy friend came up to me and started dancing with me. He was adorable...then....she danced up behind him...and then that smooth little fucker slipped out from between the two of us...and there we were...face to face. She smiled at me. It was over. I grabbed her by the tie and pulled her to me. She looked down...down my shirt...naughty. She grabbed me and we started dancing. She was looking at me like, how can this sweet and innocent looking girl be so provacative? She liked it. I think I scared her a bit with my dominatrix ways... *evil grin*. For the record, when I want to, when I feel it's necessary and especially when I'm provoked, I can turn into one hot, sexy, alluring, provacative girlie.

So, we shall end the story there. *double evil grin* PS...I have a tie fetish. I wouldn't let it go...

And then Saturday. We went to a new ladies night and this lounge in the city. It was packed. It was pretentious. The music sucked ass. After a bit, we decided to head out. We ended up at this crazy bar where it seems that everyone had gettin' a little somethin' somethin' on their mind. We were in there...oh...for about 30 seconds when I spotted a blonde bombshell. Long hair. Tall. Lipstick...in a dress. HOT!!! Hmmm? Not usually my type but she caught my eye. We started to dance. One of my friends sorta started dancing with her. About 5 seconds later she turned to me and didn't let go of me for the entire night. At all.

And...that's all you can have for that story. PS...when we called our friend for brunch on Sunday morning, he asked, "Where are you guys?" We replied, "Driving home."

During the days I lazed and shopped and had brunch with friends. It was very sad to leave for the airport on Sunday. Very sad.

By the way, I won the competition.

Oh yeah...I think Band-Aid may need a band-aid. From our conversations, all is not really going to be that well. I can't help I fell in love with my Friday night girl...

Love Is A Verb Here In My Room

This party is old and uninviting

Participants all in black and white

You enter in fullblown technicolor

Nothing is the same after tonight

If the world would fall apart

In a fiction worthy wind

I wouldn't change a thing

Now that you're here

Hello Beauties!

FiFi is traveling tonight on a plane. I can see the red tail lights heading for Spaaaain. Oh...And I can see FiFi waving goodbye...and...now you're jealous...haha.

I just need to ask a question. Why is it that the MTA insists upon testing your attention and agility in the wee hours of the morning? I am there minding my own business trying to get a few more minutes of sleep, and we start veering and jerking around like all hell. Um...hello...fuckfaces. The fucking train is on fucking tracks. It's not going anywhere. So can we please just have a smooth ride? What the hell are the new trains for anyway?? Geesh! Okay, moving on...

Mkay...so FiFi needs a little break from the city of 8 million. FiFi hath packed her toothbrush and her lowest cut tops and will be gettin' the hell outta dodge. I'm very excited about this weekend. It should be VERY interesting. More than likely, at least I hope, I will not be able to tell you anything about it...at all.

My sexy little band-aid has a slight problem with this, which I find terribly funny. Take a number and get on line. You'll get back up front shortly. FiFi just needs a little double D action---Disorder and Debauchery...Duh, what did you think I meant? *wink wink*

Speaking of band-aid, we had a technological OH FUCK yesterday. I don't want to talk about it, but let's just say that I learned a valuable lesson. Do not type, talk on the phone and drink coffee at the same time you send an email. Can we all say heart attack followed by uncontrolled laughter? It is always very important to be able to laugh at yourself when you do something completely moronic. Normally, I love gmail, however, I had adjusted my address book to avoid problems (but apparently deleting someone from the chat box is not the same as deleting them all together), so gmail and I aren't speaking right now. So, let's all just laugh at the fact that FiFi has her stupid bitch moments too just like everybody else.

Ahhh...I must retire and leave you to find your own dirty way. But allow me to leave you with these parting words...

"New blood. Fresh meat. Crispy!"

So, I Know This Fossil...

...She is my companion...ohhh...about 40 hours per week. Yeah...she's my coworker and she's older than me hence the title fossil. It's really funny how you develop a familial type relationship with coworkers. They sometimes seem to know you better than your own family...especially if you talk about personal stuff.

So, my little fossil is driving me bonkers. She is completely renovating her apartment. I mean top to bottom...dude...I mean every fucking thing, and I'm so lucky to get to hear about every single step of this whole remodeling process (just so I can be sure that I will never renovate my shit ever). Everyday, it's they sent the wrong tub...i saw the plumber's crack...my contractor cancelled and now I have one that is charging me $50K more (that sucks)...The lights above the bathroom mirror are not centered...they cut the air conditioner sleeves too high...I want a hot color (read: red) for my living room (yikes)...I have to move out for three weeks...I have moved out and now feel like a homeless person...I want my privacy back. I could go on for another 80,000 words or so, but I'll spare you lucky folks the pain.

And then, her glasses were bothering her. She said she couldn't see. You remember that she's a fossil right? So she went to the eye doctor. He gave her contacts...which made her soooooo excited. No more glasses. Listen to what she's got to say now. I can't see out of my contacts...They take me two hours to put in...I have to get up at one in the morning to put them in...And I still can't see...(she also got bi-focals)...How are you supposed to look out of these things...I can't see...I need to go back to the doctor...I spent 500 bucks and I can't see...I can't see...I can't see. So, you get the idea here as well.

Of course I take it. Because Lord only knows I have gone on and on and on and on and on about the woes of my life to her for hours and years on end. It's a give and take. I love her like a fossil mother. Plus, it cracks me up when she goes on one of her rants. It's like the funniest shit ever.

Lesson--Love thy fossil.

***So...there you go. You wanted me to talk about ya...I hope this makes you happy.

Ahhh...The Great Words Of One Mr. Brian Kinney

"I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking. It's honest. It's efficient. You get in and out with the maximum of pleasure and minimum of bullshit. Love is something people tell themselves they're in so they can get laid, and they end up hurting each other because it was all based on lies to begin with."



While I'm not necessarily so jaded and cynical as Mr. Kinney, his words have their merit and wisdom. I have something very special for you all tomorrow. My two month check-up. I need to vent some things...I need to confess some others...and I need to work out from my mind to paper how exactly I became the relationship guru. Especially, when I now believe that relationships are fucked. At least, that's what I currently believe considering I'm in the state of "Fuck me...and then don't let the door hit you in the ass. Yes, I want wham bam thank you ma'am." Don't be so shocked at Princess FiFi. This is called---The Making Up For Lost Time Period.

On to my weekend...

Oh!!! what a weekend. Sextravaganza was A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!! Fucking brilliant. All of my chef creations were a slamming success (especially my orgasmic cupcakes). YAY!!! When I cleaned up later, the number of empty wine and beer bottles was tooooo numerous to count. I don't believe numbers go that high. Passing around dildos, rubber tongues, underwear vibrators and eating firecracker and creamsicle deliciousness off our bodies was probably the funniest shit ever. It was definitely a gauge to see how uptight some of my friends were. It was a blast...and in 7-10 days all my girlies will be having an extra special blast in their panties. You're Welcome!!!

Saturday...I recovered. Of course all of us crazy bitches went to Cattyshack after the sex party where we danced and got even drunker. I was even voted best dressed by a gay guy...which if you don't realize...that's like a HUGE fucking honor. Gay boyz have the bestest taste en el mundo!!!!

Saturday night I went to see the movie The World Unseen. Holy shit! It was soooo good. Go see it (if only for the hot lezzie plot, with the hot lezzie chicks). HOTTT!!! Of course no night in the city is complete without getting loaded at Cubbyhole before and AFTER the film. Hey...it was so close and convenient...how couldn't we???

PS...a tragedy occurred. Some scary freak boy stole a guy's laptop and jacket there. Lesson to be learned. Don't leave your fucking shit unattended unless you want a scary freak boy stealing it. Lightbulb asshole! I totally felt bad for him tho. Word.

Sunday...I recovered.. Hey...I'm not as young as I used to be.

That is all I've decided to reveal...any other occurances, events, and discussions are being withheld 'cuz some shit is just nun ya biznass!

I'm getting very VERY excited for my weekend of dirty debauchery that is coming up on Friday...ps...I fully intend on being the baddest little girlie from the time I plane on Friday to the time I de-plane on Sunday. There will more than likely be a whole lotta info withheld next Monday...of course I hafta protect all of my guilty ass friends...heeheehee!!!

Today = Sex Party

Thank God! It's finally here. Sextravaganza!!!! I spent all day yesterday cooking and cleaning and cooking and cleaning etc etc. I am sooooo exhausted. I made BOOBIE cupcakes. I'm very excited about them.

I made my own salsa, bean dip, quesadillas. I am Wolfgang Fucking Puck! That's right. I'm gonna start my own catering business.

Anyway, I am busy busy busy today, so I apologize if this is kinda short and sweet.

Hope everyone has a fabuloso weekend! I know I'm 'bout to. YAY!!!! Peace!

So...the Daily News stole my line

Someone at the Daily News must be reading FiFi Mandrake because yesterday I said If Obama won it'd be like Christmas...AND today the cover of the Daily News' headline is CHRISTMAS HAS COME...wtf?

I suppose I should be honored. Well, I will tell you, I shed a tear or two last night when they announced that he had won. People were laughing, screaming, dancing in the streets. It was so amazing and wonderful to see. And please....he didn't just win, he tore McCain/Palin a new one (I'm talking, now Palin will be able to take a moose cock...without any issue). I am SO proud to be American today.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn't that jazzed about Obama. I really REALLY wanted Hilary. And I truly believe that she would've been better. Unfortunately, our country is more afraid of someone with a pussy running the country than a black man. I say, Who the fuck cares what color your skin is...who the fuck cares if you have lips or balls? It's not what's in the pants that matters anyway. It's the mind...the brains. Alas, since McCain's brain is about mush at his age and Palin's head is most assuredly filled with air (seriously, the space between her ears is a fucking wind tunnel people) we at least have gotten someone who may be able to help the country get out of our MASSIVE mess. We needed a Democrat, the Republicans have dug a deep enough grave for us. We need a change, no matter how scary or impossible it seems. If you live your life outside the bubble, as I do, you learn a little each day how not to allow fear to control your life.

So, let's all pray for Obama, that he is able to effect change. I truly believe that he will have a ton of support because most people want to be proud of the country we live in and the way our country is now, we have nothing to be proud of. I hope that Obama will alleviate some of our shame!

GO OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!

If Obama Wins...It will be Christmas. If it's McCain...It will be the Apocalypse

Please Dear God...let it be Christmas.

I love my neighborhood. It had an air of Jesus' birthday last evening while I was walking home. It must be a sin or something if you don't have an Obama sign in your shop window...and everybody's talking about what time they're heading to the polls. The excitement in the air is contagious. I had little butterflies in my stomach as I walked down the street.

I cannot wait to go vote today. Yes I'm sure that I will be waiting in line for hours, but that's okay. I'm young, and I can hold out a loooottt longer that those geriatrics that support McCain. I'm actually looking forward to the long wait with my voting partner in crime.

I pray to Jesus that we find out tonight that McCain can retire to the nursing home early. I really really really don't want to have to wait 'til morning. I'll be sitting in front of the tube fidgeting all night if that's the case.

Here is the most brilliant thing I've read today. It was written by my best friend. I think it sums up what all us nonconformists are all about:

Why I Voted for Barack Obama

I will try to make this as concise as possible and not criticize the other side for their choice. This is just some insight into MY choice. *I believe that every single person in this nation is EQUAL. Gay, straight, black, white, Christian, atheist, rich or poor, all ethnicities...I want to teach my children to be accepting and tolerant of people who choose (or sometimes have no choice) to live their lives differently from us. During this election process, I have been so disappointed in my fellow Americans and how quick they have been to judge people based on their skin color, religion AND political views. Truly embarrassing sweeping generalizations of people they know and do not know from both sides. I believe in the UNITED States of America and hope that one day we can put aside this garbage and achieve it. We all want what is best for this country.* On that note though, I believe that our policies should not be isolationist. We need to be competitive in a global economy and realize that we NEED other countries to be involved with ours. Our success as a nation depends on it.* I work for our healthcare system. It is a disaster. Premiums are going up and people are having to make hard choices. In my own immediate family, our premiums went up 500% when I was pregnant with Nate. Call me a lazy Democrat all you want, but rather than go bankrupt and live on assistance, we had to make the very hard choice to move away from our ENTIRE family so we could survive. Some people are not so lucky to be able to borrow money from their parents for this opportunity. Some people can't sell their houses. We are damn lucky we did. Thanks Chirag! ;) Some people can't find higher paying jobs in other cities. Some people cannot imagine leaving their family behind. Trust me, it is the hardest thing we have ever done. I believe the system needs a complete overhaul. I don't believe giving people $5K that will be TAXED does anything more than put a band-aid on a volcano. In this great country, people should not have to let their homes go into foreclosure because their employer-based insurance sucks.* I believe that life is precious. Not just the unborn, but the lives of our soldiers, our destitute (no matter how they got there)...our CITIZENS. I believe in the Catholic teaching of war as an absolute last resort, not a preemptive solution to the world's problems. I fully supported the war in Afghanistan and still do. But I also do not want the lives of all our soldiers that have been sacrificed to have been in vain. We need to fix the mess we made as best we can. We need to hold the Iraqi government responsible for their citizens now. They have a $60 million surplus, I am sure they can manage. I believe we need to understand that our democracy and the American way of life does not work for every nation, especially ones with centuries old religious wars that we cannot possibly *fix* for them. I believe that the Iraq war has left us vulnerable at home, in OUR country. Our military is stretched so thin.* I agree with Obama's stance of parental responsibility when it comes to education. Teachers are amazing, but it is not their job to raise our children. We need to actively participate in the education of our children at school and at home. No Child Left Behind is a disaster and has our children learning to pass tests instead of rewarding the critical thinking that is essential in the real world and the global economy. * I believe in the freedom of expression. Whether through art, religion, press, or speech; whether I agree or not. Living in an echo chamber is not my idea of a great nation. I believe we need to question our leaders and not accept what they are telling us, but research and get the answers and never let up. And speak up against what we feel is WRONG. And have the ability to do so without being persecuted, as long as it is done respectfully and without violence. "The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it to be always kept alive. It will often be exercised when wrong, but better so than not to be exercised at all. I like a little rebellion now and then.”--Thomas Jefferson. This great country was created based on dissent!* I believe that the Patriot Act is an assault on the civil liberties of all Americans. * I believe that women should be treated fairly and equally in the workplace. I believe that there should be no time limits on lawsuits regarding equal pay. * I believe that social programs are very important and a spending freeze will create massive unemployment and hardships for families. I also believe that people that share my college major will find it very difficult to get a job anymore.*Along these lines, I think that social programs and sex education will actually DO something to reduce the abortion rate in this country, more than making it illegal ever would. We need to have support programs in place for women who choose to keep their pregnancies and support the lives not only before they are here, but after as well. * I believe that we need to build this country from the bottom up, not the top down. I believe the middle class is the basis of this country. I believe trickle down economics does not and has not worked. I also believe raising the tax rate on those that make over $250K (sorry friends ;) ) from 36 to 39% is not going to destroy our country. We have had a progressive tax rate FOREVER. Reagan created the Earned Income Tax Credit. Obama is only promising to let the tax cuts expire to pre-Bush levels. * I technically OWN a small business as a private contractor. I pay the self-employment tax among other things, but it is what I need to do to have the privilege of my business and the privilege of raising my children at the same time. What people do not understand about the $250K figure is that is the NET amount. Businesses are allowed so many deductions that some do not end up owing a dime. You can gross $5 million, but net less than $250K. It is very simple math if you understand owning a business. * I see in Obama and Biden real family values. Walking the walk through their WHOLE lives.I do think some extreme liberals will be disappointed in Obama. * He does not support gay marriage. He is a Christian. He believes homosexuals should have equal civil rights, but he does not support marriages.*He supported the FISA bill.*He does not support reparations for descendants of slaves and emphasizes personal responsibility within the black community.*He supports off-shore drilling.*He supports faith-based initiatives.That's it in a nutshell.I am ready for the end of fear mongering and hatred of those that are different from us. I am ready to feel hopeful again about this wonderful country. I know Obama is not going to come in and magically fix everything that has gone wrong. I am realistic. But it's a start.

Trick Or Treat! Here's Your Eye Candy!!

I think I should be Uh Huh Her's offical photographer...but that's probably jus 'cuz I wanna hang with 'em. No but seriously...I think I did a preeeetttyy good job. Enjoy these sexy ladies...I sure did!

Mysterious, alluring Mz. Leisha Hailey

Uh Huh HOT!

Can you say YUMMY?

Sing to me Leisha!

Lose something? Actually this is a pic (not that good) of the sparkly stuff on her eye.

Um...she is very very sexy in person!! And we hear she's dating Clea Duvall...but don't quote me on that. It's heresay sort of maybe.

She's so into it...so filled with soul...ahhh!

And I LOVE her bangs!!! I am jealous of her bangs!

Have I mentioned I love Leisha!!!!!!!!!?????????? Well, I do!!!

Okay, ladies and gents there you have it. I am very very very very very excited for tonight. I have quite a lot of prep to do (hair, makeup, eyelashes, etc etc)...this is gonna be sooooooo much fun!

Happy Halloween PEEPS!!! See ya when I'm sober!

Uh Huh, Honey

FiFi sorta kinda maybe got into a fight last night. You remember that I went to the Uh Huh Her concert last night right? So, I have two funny stories to tell. One of my friends forgot her passport, and you had to show ID to get a wristband if you wanted to drink. The cocktail waitress brought us all our first round, no problem. My friend and I went up to the bar to get a drink a little later. We got the drinks and were walking back when this crazy security guy starts coming after my friend saying "Where is your wristband?" over and over like he had Turrets or something. She said the beer was for our friend (which it actually was) but he made her wait for the manager and proceeded to say "Let's wait for the manager" a la Turrets again. I went and got another friend to say that it was HER drink, but the guy was nuts. So, the manager came, took one look at the situation, knew instantly that my friend was DEFINITELY over the age of 21 and let us go. Stupid ass security guard knew we were all lesbians at that concert and wasn't gonna get any action so he had to take out his frustrations on us. Can we all say DICK?

And then...those sexy Uh Huh Her ladies came on stage (pictures to follow). We were right in the front, and this girl started pushing her way up and up and up, terrorizing peeps as she went. By the time she got to me, several people wanted to knock her block off. The girl next to me turns to me and says "We hafta hold her back." Which we did...until she crawled around behind me, nearly pulling me to the ground in the process. She tried to push her way in front of us, but I politely elbowed her in the gut and held her back. She kept pushing and pushing and pushing on me until I couldn't stand it. I turned to her and asked her to PLEASE STOP FUCKING TOUCHING ME. Needless to say the stupid deaf moron bitch didn't understand. She KEPT doing it. Which of course made me more angry. Finally, I turned to her and said IF YOU DO NOT STOP PUSHING ME I AM GOING TO GET SECURITY. She told me to fuck off. I waved over the security guy, told him the situation, and he promply removed her. Hope you enjoyed the concert from the way back you IDIOT!! I truly believe that I would've genuinely enjoyed gouging her eyes out and shoving them into her nostrils, however, I wanted to see Uh Huh Her so I took the high road.

Stupid redhead moron cunt bitch obviously doesn't read my blog...or she would have known NOT TO FUCK WITH FIFI! Just to clarify, there's nothing wrong with redheds...but I really wanted to grab ahold of it and yank like hell. heehee

So...dudes...Halloween is TOMORROW! Yippee! I am ready, leaving work early to get all done up. The hair is a process. PS...I got the sexiest WHITE hat to go with my costume. I look like the Godfatheress. I can't wait. Last year, I didn't really get to celebrate so I'm going all out this year.

Lata gatas!!!

Don't Walk Away

I wanna explode

watch me

Im a lucky girl

see I

I like you

So wont you pay if you wanna go down

I love to watch you, honey

You need me, so lets see

What do you care, if you want to

just pay if you wanna go

Ahhh...the lovely lyrics of Uh Huh Her. So, I get to see them TONIGHT---LIVE. Yeah. I know you're jealous. If you love Leisha Hailey as much as I do...you will understand why my goal is gonna be to rush the stage and make out with her. Alas, I have a feeling I'll be making out with security instead.

You should see my gmail...dudes...there are 500 messages about whether or not Clea Duvall is dating the lead singer.....yes...no...yes...who is clea?...she's girly...she's butch...how can you be a lesbian and not know clea...and now something or other about sex for beer. I went to get lunch and came back to that last one...don't know how the convo went downhill sooooo fast.

I believe that, yes, they are dating. Oh well, I guess it doesn't really matter, especially in light of the more important issues we are facing...ie...the presidential election.

So yeah...I wanna EXPLODE. Allow me to tell you why. I just got off the phone with my mother. I asked her who she's voting for. And yes, she said McCain. I agreed that I wouldn't harass her about her decision, but when she attacked me about Obama...I fired back some pretty nasty comments to her. And then she said something...that if I was in the same state as her right now...I would have given her a swirley...I mean fucking dunked her head in a toilet bowl and flushed like 40 times. Here's what she said...you be the judge of whether or not I'm justified. "I think Osama Bin Laden is backing Obama's campaign. He's a terrorist, you know?" I can betcha that you're all nodding that yes indeed I'm justified.

Sometimes, I just cannot believe that I came out of my mother. But I can certainly see the devastating effects of what a sheltered life can do to you. Oh well, I think Obama will win, and when he does I'm gonna do a hula hokey pokey funky chicken polka square dance around my mother for at least 45 minutes. Anyone wanna join me? haha.

Peace. Did I mention I'm gonna see Uh Huh Her tonight? *sticks out tongue* nahnahnahnahbooboo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Burlesque. Half Naked Women. Flying Through The Air.

Need I say more. We can all just assume that FiFi's Saturday night was...well....Frickin HOT!!!

We'll get to that later. Haha...I like to build suspense. My Friday evening was not nearly as interesting as Saturday, but it was LOVELY none the less. I haven't told you...I don't think...that I've been watching the TWIN PEAKS tv series on Netflix. You know the one...that my very very favorite David Lynch created. So, I'm almost there...almost finished...which makes me weepy...'cuz it's sososososososo good. If you don't like Lynch you are a loser, in my humble but absolutely correct opinion. So, Friday was relaxing and just absolutely perfect. I haven't spent a Friday night at home in ages, centuries even. I want more of them. They are precious.

On Saturday, I wrote some. Actually, in the last couple days I've written another 10 pages for the book. So, that's 23 now...I think...maybe more. It's coming along oh so wonderfully. In fact, Saturday night, just before I was leaving to go out I was tap tap taping away on my laptop...I almost forgot I had to go somewhere. I could've kept writing for I don't know how long...but it would've probably been super long. Alas, the half naked ladies were waiting for me.. *wink wink*.

I had a lovely sushi dinner beforehand and trekked in rain, sleet, and typhoon uphill both ways to get to these ladies. On to the show...It was well, half naked women in sexy lingerie. I mean HOT! It was an aerial burlesque show (basically Cirque du Soleil with hot women, not tiny Chinese peeps). They were on trapezes, those silks that they climb up and then swirly whirly down on. It was a-m-a-z-i-n-g. Say it with me. So great. Thanks to one of my buddies for suggesting it. It most certainly was a fabulous lezzie group activity. All five of us fell in love with the same girl. She had a hot pink mohawk! I think it was her attitude and the way she carried herself. I think we all had some especially sweet dreams that night.

Even though this show didn't let out 'til nearly 3am, I was up bright and early at noon on Sunday. It was time to make that ass long and inconvenient trip to pick up my painted vase...and dah dah duh Ikea which is nastily far out of the way. I had God on my side transportation wise. Didn't hafa wait...always perfectly in sync. Yay! So, I got my pot (which is so darling, I love my artistic side...and I have requests to paint some pots for other peeps). Then it was off to Ikea. I had to pick up picture frames...like 25 picture frames. They were just those clip frames so I thought I can handle this alone (I didn't really want anyone to go with me, but I should've accepted the help I was offered.) So...but anyway...the frames weighed about 5 million pounds and 3 ounces. I had to carry them home through hell and high water with great train luck though. My shoulder still hurts.

Then I had to frame....25 pics...and hang 23...two were gifts. This was a whole day project. But, as I said before my apartment looks like an art gallery. I will have to schedule an opening to exhibit my photos. Ah...well...I'm having a party in a week so they'll get to see them then.

Back to the grind...later!

Fcuk me...I need to get a PLANNER!!

Suddenly my social calendar went up in flames this past month...so bad..in fact that I am going to really need to start putting down the events that I've committed to down on paper. I sort of by accident keep double booking myself. Oh...to have my problems. I'm not bragging or anything...but I am at a huge advantage. Lose a psycho gain a social life and have fun again....Weeeeee!!!

Zee costume is FABULOUS!! So cute...so HOT actually...I look sexy but not whorish--YAY-- exactly what I was going for (even with the fishnets)! I did a hair test last night...trying to figure out how much mousse I would need to hold my hair in a 40s pinned back style for the evening. Yeah, so it's basically gonna be an entire can. Oh well, I have to look my best.

Speaking of looking my best, one of my bosses who I rarely see anymore flattered/embarrassed/creeped me out yesterday. He came up to me and he says "FiFi, have you been working out, changed your hair, you look great?!" Why yes Mr. Bossman I have been working out, changed my hair and I also am single again...so that last part is what is making me glow I'm sure. The happiness adds beauty and youth and vitality to my face...hahahaha!!! I couldn't really say that last part 'cuz I'm sorta kinda sure that he doesn't know I eat you know what...heehee!

And on even happier news, I've shown the first 15 pages of the book to some peeps. One comment was "After four pages, I have decided it will be a National best seller." I've gotten several "Hot damns!" "Fantastics!" and "Brilliant and amazing!" So FiFi has some talent...or so she's been told.

Dudes...I feel like I'm bragging today...ugh...I'm not trying to...please don't think I could ever be like that...it's just that everything's working out so well...I just want to share.

I would tell you all about the REBOUND story, and about some peoples theories they have about me and the rebound person...but I don't feel like it. It's too good of a day, and it's Friday! YAY!

Have a great weekend PEEPS!!! Peace!

FiFi Got Up On The Wrong Side Of The Ball Gag This Morning...

Avoid her, if you can!!!

I completely know why I'm so pissy today, but I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say it has to to with something going on inside my head. Sorry for being so mysterious...

In my honest opinion if you try beating around the bush and that doesn't seem to be working...or you just get tired of beating around the bush, the best thing you can do is to set the bush on fire. It forces a reaction. It can work in your favor or it can explode in your face. However, if you are dead set on an answer (beware, it may not be the truthful answer, but a rushed one, one not thought out properly) a bush fire is a sure bet. It would be your decision to allow a take back if the person tries to back pedal in some way when they've grasped the concept and gravity of their decision. Okie Dokie...that said...let's move on.

...to...Halloween Costumes!!! YAY!! So excited!!! Dudes, I need to get me a costume. Stat! Blog is early today 'cuz I've gotta go find something. The day of the dead is only a week away. I found this sexy gangster girl costume online. Say a prayer for me that they have it in the store, and that I don't look like an asshole in it. Don't worry, it's tasteful sexy...not whore sexy. Well, is whore sexy or just trashy. Who knows?!? I, for the record, do not want to look like a whore...no matter if it's Halloween or Hanukah. So this costume is a 40s gangster girlie dress. I want to get a sexy fedora and little pistol to tuck in my belt. I want to curl my hair up and pin it back and put on my favorite red lipstick. I think it'll be super cute.

Later peeps!!

I don't know whether to cry or CUM!!

Been working on the novel a lot lately. It's so great to have a writing partner that I'm accountable to. It means I actually have to write now. Whereas before, I stopped writing for about a year. So, it's good to be back.

The novel. It's been a lot of fun to write. Sort of. But there's this thing that keeps happening to me. I'm writing and writing and everything's hunkydory and then BOOM!!!! I start crying, and when I say crying, I mean fucking wailing. It's an uncontrollable reaction which goes on for about a minute or two, and then I bust out laughing. I feel like such a nutball. I get so upset, and then I crack myself up with how upset I've gotten. It's truly a surreal experience. I assume that this is what's gonna happen throughout this whole process. Although, I pray not.

On a happier note, I used to be really timid about writing and sharing graphic love scenes. It made me feel silly and creeped out and having people read something extra special dirty that I've written is a pretty fucked up experience (at least in my virgin eyes, YEAH RIGHT). The novel is based on real life...my real life...so I am now writing one of quite a few exceedingly graphic sex scenes. And I'm totally loving it!!! Loving it more than I can tell you. The only thing that freaks me out is that my mother may some day read it...but knowing that some of my friends have read it is quite an exhilarating experience. It's not bothering me that everybody knows that it's me (THE REAL ME) partaking in these depraved acts. Well, everybody knew I was a naughty girl before so I guess it's not that shocking for them, but the precise detail, I'm not so sure how that's gonna go down.

I know I know I know...you are all saying, FiFi, we all wanna read your dirty smut writing. All I can say to that is I'll think about it. If I deem it acceptable and feel that you will all be able to handle it, you may be lucky enough to see a posting in the near future. We shall see. Keep checking though.

You're an exception to the rule...You're a bonafide rarity

"So come outside and walk with me

We'll try each other on to see if we fit

And with our roots, become a tree

To shade what we make, under it"

~~Southern Girl, INCUBUS

Decision has been made. I think I made the right one. The psychic told me that I could continue with the relationship...work hard...and it would be fine. A lovely relationship. Or I can stop it...move forward...and it would be fine. The decision was mine. I don't want to work hard. I don't want to work at all. I DO NOT want to babyshit someone. I am not a mother.

The New Plan of Action. FiFi says Fuck off to relationships! The Goal---I am going to make it my business to fuck ten girls before I get into another relationship. Ten different girls. Thank God I've started to take quite a liking to femmes 'cuz I'm not sure if there are ten good butches left in NYC. It seems that I like the extremes. I like no make up at all or red lipstick. Simple?? We shall see.

So, starting now, hunting season is officially on. I have been doing A LOT of very bold things lately. It's time to up the anti. Call me FiFi Kinney (if you don't get that reference, you suck). I'm so sorry baby, but you snooze you lose. If you act like a nut, you lose too. I don't run a mental ward no matter what you've heard!!!

Hold on to yer panties Ladies...FiFi, the tornado, is coming through. Hahaha. And I want everyone to know that I'm completely and totally serious about this. I don't care what my mommies and daddies think. FiFi is a big girl. It's time she adds a few notches to her bedpost. *evil grin*

Oh and P.S...I am just gonna publicly acknowledge that I promise not to blame a certain friend of mine for any situation that has the potential to go awry. I said it was her fault when I accidentally fucked someone because she left me alone with this person at the bar (and said person would not leave me alone).

Oopsiedaisie!!

Five words..."I really like you, but..."

So, my bff has this feature on her voicemail where the messages are transcribed and emailed to her. So, when I called her yesterday here's what she got...

"Hey, It's me. I just wanna call you and tell you about how I ran into (BLANK and Kace?). (Well ,I didn't run into her?). She, like touching me when she was leaving and I don't even know how long, she was like in that room for and watching me, like dancing and I was like so trashed, everybody had, oh yeah, so we said like, (I said I like jug in texases?). (Like, and she was just funny and it was like a mess?), anyway, oh yeah, so that was lovely, anyway, alright, bye."

I know who the first name aka BLANK was but Kace...I think they meant Cattyshack. And the other indiscernable point "jug in texases?" translates to "sent text messages."

So, now that we've cleared up that...let me just explain what the fuck happened. But first, let me say, I saw the movie RELIGILOUS Friday night. It was so hilarious. Go see it. The homosexuality part is too funny. Bill you rock! Not as much as Michael Moore, but you still rock!

And then on Saturday...dah dah duh. Yes, it was 99% FABULOUS, 1% OH SHIT! One of my friends had an amazing dinner party that evening. The food was wonderful. The wine was dangerous. The drinking game that involved Vodka was lethal. We can just say that FiFi and company were loaded by the time they left the apartment. By the grace of God, we arrived at Cattyshack unscathed (ie...no one was clipped by oncoming traffic).

Imagine, I think, it was 8 drunk people taking over the upstairs dancefloor. Ah, it was blissful. I dirty danced my little heart out. I straddled and gave my gay boyfriend one of the world's best lapdances eva!!! I explained the "SHOCKER" to the gay boys. This is icky but in case you don't know what that is, it's...wait for it...ready..."Two in the pink, one in the stink, and one to rub the bean." Well, look at me. I'm Yoda right?? I was all over the place and having such a BLAST! Enter drama stage left.

So, I like this girl. It's complicated. At one point, when I'm coming back from the bar, someone grabs my arm and squeezes. I turn to my friend...uh...someone touched me. I look around and spot someone in a hat walking away. By the time I realize who it was, she's already at the door heading downstairs. I'm not in a chasing mood, so I text her asking if she just touched me. And she responds...And you just ignored me right? WTF!!??!! Ignored. Really? You touch me and walk away and I ignored you. Whatever happened to HI! HOW ARE YOU? Huh? So, we fire off back and forth, and I don't really understand the hostility. Until I realize, OH SHIT! I'm pretty sure she was a captive audience to my provacative drunkness on the dancefloor. I forgot to add that I was wearing a halter top...a sexy halter top...a lowcut halter top...where one of several comments during the course of the night was "Wow! You are dressed to kill. What are you looking for?"

Okay. So maybe, I was just a little sexy or something or other. Big deal. I was using my sexiness on a GAY MAN. A gay man?!? That doesn't count. Right? One of my friends cracked a joke about how her major problem was most likely that she wanted the lapdance. I would have gladly given it...she didn't ask. Oh well, I haven't been completely honest with her. In order to save face, I've not explained how the last year of my life was total and utter hell. I never told her that all of my friends see me as a NEW person. Happy. Smiling. Laughing. Fun Fun Fun. Fun FiFi. And so, yes, I have been living it up recently. Having a lot of fun and craziness and wildness in order to make up for a miserable year. So, big fucking deal. I suppose that explaining that would have made some things that she may have seen clearer.

We can all just say a collective YIKES!!! and move on now. I truly love my friend's photo album depicting the downfall of the evening. I'm pretty sure FiFi doesn't owe anybody any explanations.