Oopsiedaisie!!

Five words..."I really like you, but..."

So, my bff has this feature on her voicemail where the messages are transcribed and emailed to her. So, when I called her yesterday here's what she got...

"Hey, It's me. I just wanna call you and tell you about how I ran into (BLANK and Kace?). (Well ,I didn't run into her?). She, like touching me when she was leaving and I don't even know how long, she was like in that room for and watching me, like dancing and I was like so trashed, everybody had, oh yeah, so we said like, (I said I like jug in texases?). (Like, and she was just funny and it was like a mess?), anyway, oh yeah, so that was lovely, anyway, alright, bye."

I know who the first name aka BLANK was but Kace...I think they meant Cattyshack. And the other indiscernable point "jug in texases?" translates to "sent text messages."

So, now that we've cleared up that...let me just explain what the fuck happened. But first, let me say, I saw the movie RELIGILOUS Friday night. It was so hilarious. Go see it. The homosexuality part is too funny. Bill you rock! Not as much as Michael Moore, but you still rock!

And then on Saturday...dah dah duh. Yes, it was 99% FABULOUS, 1% OH SHIT! One of my friends had an amazing dinner party that evening. The food was wonderful. The wine was dangerous. The drinking game that involved Vodka was lethal. We can just say that FiFi and company were loaded by the time they left the apartment. By the grace of God, we arrived at Cattyshack unscathed (ie...no one was clipped by oncoming traffic).

Imagine, I think, it was 8 drunk people taking over the upstairs dancefloor. Ah, it was blissful. I dirty danced my little heart out. I straddled and gave my gay boyfriend one of the world's best lapdances eva!!! I explained the "SHOCKER" to the gay boys. This is icky but in case you don't know what that is, it's...wait for it...ready..."Two in the pink, one in the stink, and one to rub the bean." Well, look at me. I'm Yoda right?? I was all over the place and having such a BLAST! Enter drama stage left.

So, I like this girl. It's complicated. At one point, when I'm coming back from the bar, someone grabs my arm and squeezes. I turn to my friend...uh...someone touched me. I look around and spot someone in a hat walking away. By the time I realize who it was, she's already at the door heading downstairs. I'm not in a chasing mood, so I text her asking if she just touched me. And she responds...And you just ignored me right? WTF!!??!! Ignored. Really? You touch me and walk away and I ignored you. Whatever happened to HI! HOW ARE YOU? Huh? So, we fire off back and forth, and I don't really understand the hostility. Until I realize, OH SHIT! I'm pretty sure she was a captive audience to my provacative drunkness on the dancefloor. I forgot to add that I was wearing a halter top...a sexy halter top...a lowcut halter top...where one of several comments during the course of the night was "Wow! You are dressed to kill. What are you looking for?"

Okay. So maybe, I was just a little sexy or something or other. Big deal. I was using my sexiness on a GAY MAN. A gay man?!? That doesn't count. Right? One of my friends cracked a joke about how her major problem was most likely that she wanted the lapdance. I would have gladly given it...she didn't ask. Oh well, I haven't been completely honest with her. In order to save face, I've not explained how the last year of my life was total and utter hell. I never told her that all of my friends see me as a NEW person. Happy. Smiling. Laughing. Fun Fun Fun. Fun FiFi. And so, yes, I have been living it up recently. Having a lot of fun and craziness and wildness in order to make up for a miserable year. So, big fucking deal. I suppose that explaining that would have made some things that she may have seen clearer.

We can all just say a collective YIKES!!! and move on now. I truly love my friend's photo album depicting the downfall of the evening. I'm pretty sure FiFi doesn't owe anybody any explanations.