Some Thoughts To Go With Your Morning Coffee

Smiling People?

Last night I was on the train home, and there was this dude sitting across from me. I didn't notice him at first, but after awhile he caught my attention. He seemed to be staring at nothing in particular and just smiling from ear to ear. Some might ask, "FiFi what's the biggie?" But I propose the question--Who really smiles anymore? Well at least not unless it's a response to some stimulus.

Seriously, I looked around--NO ONE ELSE WAS SMILING. Everyone looked dog tired...head laid back...eyes closed...hating on the world...ready for their jammies. And here's this dude just smiling like...well here's where it gets sticky. I started to ponder the reasons why he was smiling. Here they are in no particular order--->

~He just got laid
~He has a bomb under his shirt
~He is on crack or smack or coke or E or you get the point...
~He's a nutball crazy looney escapee from Bellevue
~He's thinking about the dead body in his freezer

And many others that I won't get into... As you can see, none of my reasons were--THIS GUY IS GENUINELY HAPPY. No...this was not an option. And when I told some people about it...you guessed it...none of them thought of genuine happiness either. So, this is how the world is. We are terribly freaked out...and a guy smiling is unusual as we all sit there around him with our "the world sucks balls" mentality and miserable scowls. He's the nutso, and we're normal.

***Disclaimer: I still have a strong feeling that this guy was a a few screws short of a whorehouse...no but seriously. And it's not because I'm a jaded New Yorker.

And on to #2

Yes, I am seriously going to talk about #2...aka poop. I sort of shy away from the topic because I am afraid people will think I'm gross and not the sexy mama I really am. I have deliberated and come to the conclusion that sexiness and pooping are not synonymous.

Here are my thoughts...I feel like the world is so ashamed of their poop. Duh! Everyone poops...and everyone's poop stinks. And bathrooms are for getting rid of our waste...and that's not only pee. So, why do we go into a public bathroom and hide out trying to be quiet and inconspicuous until everyone's gone so that we can poop all alone? Point #1. Everyone knows you're there. It's not like since you have to take a shit you suddenly become invisible. Point #2. You know that you're gonna get up, wash your hands, head for the door and smack face to face with the person that's on their way in and have to look at the tears in their eyes from the stench you're leaving behind. Point #3. I know you know what I'm talking about. Don't try to lie. Because FiFi is omnipresent...just like God.

I get confused and frustrated because I, too, suffer from these same afflictions. And I just don't know why we can't all congregate in the bathroom for a pooping symphony. At one with our own and each other's funky noises and smells. Cheer if you're with me on this one. I think that the world would be a much better place.